10 April 2013

Defeated


I’m not basking.
I’m exhausted.
Hot Sun
image by jetsandzeppelins
The ultra violet 
Rays down blisters to my skin. 
If I could move,
If I could even roll over, 
I would.
You show me curious 
Raised eyebrows.
Hold out a hand.
Give me strength.
Wipe my tears. 
Soothe my grief.


Day 10. Feeling good. Writing this poem, I had a picture in my mind of  Jack Johnson (James Earl Jones version in the Great White Hope) fighting 50 bare-knuckle rounds in the hot sun. Though, I don't know if Jack Johnson ever really made it 50 rounds. The picture I had was James Earl Jones as Jack Johnson, but I think it really came from another bare-knuckle boxer, John L. Sullivan. In any case, I also think I should explain That "Rays" in line 4 is a verb. I'm wondering if that really works out ok. 
Submitted for Three Word Wednesday. The words are bask, raise, and grief.

14 comments:

  1. Nice portrait of exhaustion! I think "rays" works as either a verb or a noun. I read it as a noun and "down" as the verb.

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  2. just a quick comment - my eyes aren't great, I know that, but I literally can't read the violet on the background, and I'd love to

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    1. Duly noted. I hope this color scheme is easier. Thanks.

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  3. This is a beautiful poem. I like that the speaker has someone to support him in the end. I also learned a new meaning for the word "rays". I also read it as a noun, and I like that there is some uncertainty. I am not sure, though, that the uncertainty I enjoyed is adequately conveying your thought. My thought was to maybe add a comma after the word "down"?

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    1. For what I was trying to convey, that comma wouldn't work. I intended blisters to be a noun. It's what the sun "rays" down, not quite what is happening to the skin.
      Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment though! You really thought about what I was trying to do (even if I didn't quite accomplish it).

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  4. I think that being inventive such as making 'Rays' a verb is why we are poets as we knead the language like dough and is what being a creative writer is all about. (p.s. I rather liked my lack of punctuation in that sentence!)

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    1. We also need language, of course. I get, and agree with your point. I do a lot of more structured writing, and it's empowering to be the one that actually creates the structure in a poem.

      Thanks for visiting!

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  5. "Rays" is a perfectly acceptable verb, in my opinion. It also works for good singers: "Man, that cat really Rays!" ha ha But the English language is flexible, ever growing. If "google" can make it into the O.E.D., you know?

    "I'm not basking/I'm exhausted" Bare-knuckle boxing in the heat of the day? Good lord. I remember that movie, also with Blythe Danner (Gwyneth Paltrow's mom). My favorite part was, after an afternoon in the sun, she noticed his skin was turning grey and freaking out. JEJ, ever the cool actor, the way he said, "Baby, that's how I sunburn..." Back then, the sexiest man. STILL the sexiest voice. Thx, Amy

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    1. James Earl Jones is one of my favorite people. He's a real down-to-earth humble guy. On top of being one of the best actors ever. And yeah, his voice is ok.....

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  6. I see more than a tire boxer. I see someone pleading for help and no one paying attention. Tays works for me...ray me an angel to beam me home.

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    1. Thanks.
      The boxer was my inspiration, but not my intended end result. But my intention and reader's interpretation don't have to match exactly.

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